Anonymous said: I'm actually thinking to move to Portland to start a family; have nearby family from husband's side to help raise the kids. What is bad about Portland? I know you probably wrote it hundred of times, but can you sum it up in few points? :)
WELL. I don’t live there anymore and I haven’t lived there in nearly 3 years, after having fled in disgust to Brooklyn NY. But… Here are a few points since I’m feeling charitable.
1. As my friend Bennet once pointed out: “Moving to Portland Oregon now is like moving to Lawrence, Kansas.” ie, not cool or challenging any longer. It’s just a oversized college campus for yuppies and dumb hippies these days. Sometimes I think someone who still lives there should have a mock funeral for “Portland” like the real Hippies in the Haight did for the term “Hippie” once the mass media got ahold of it and watered it down and sold it to middle America.
2. It’s the “wacky donut capital of the world”. If you like actual clowns and other grown losers who didn’t get enough attention growing up, boy, have I got an over-priced 4 bedroom house on Hawthorne/Alberta to sell to you!
3. I flew back home to visit my family last Oct, and the stench of smug liberal-dad self righteousness was nearly unbearable the entire plane ride home. Now, I fall on the left side of things politically, but the massive concentration of circle-jerking wanna be Keith Olbermanns makes Portland the left wing version of… I dunno Dallas, Texas maybe? It’s gross and exhausting in any event. I think having a community of like-minded people is a great thing, but the potential for group-think and the lack of any other political views seems disturbing and childish quite frankly.
4. Illiterate, moronic anons with baby strollers who move somewhere based on the suggestions of a defunct comedy blog that they can’t be bothered to read the entirety of. (try city-data.com, duh)
P.S. Now, you might be saying, hey now, Mr. Cool Guy Brooklyn snob hipster asshole, you live in Brooklyn, fuck you! Yes, I do, but since stuff like this blog doesn’t actually pay me in any real world currency I live in a crummy neighborhood far, far away from the parts of Brooklyn that you’ve heard of.
1. I think Brooklyn is “over” as well, and the same losers that ruined Portland are moving here too.
2. Since there’s more people here, there’s a greater diversity of opinion and less assumptions that you agree with everyone 100% on politics. Why, I’ve even met conservatives here! Shocking, I know.
3. My GF and I are most likely moving to a very uncool(in the eyes of the national media), but cheap city in the midwest so that we can own a house and afford to pay off our student loans which we stupidly signed our souls away for. So, you can have Portland, I don’t want it anymore, and I cede it to you, the middlebrow stroller-pushers who get wet at “wacky” donuts and the thought of perpetually living in a soggy college dorm room. Since I don’t really use/add to this blog anymore I’m going to shut off comments/questions and leave it as an online museum to my former Angst over the slow death of my hometown. Bye! :)